Holiday Musings

I have this fantasy that I'll try to visit all my friends prior to Christmas weekend in an effort to do a holiday re-connect. I fantasize that this will not be an exhausting, stressful endeavor. I've boosted the quality of my efforts at work, school, exercise and diet and now I have to do the holiday thing?

What am I thinking?

I suppose the best thing to do is live in the moment. Take each day, each decision as something to address when the time comes. More often than not I do have the will and the energy to push things further.

If I can just have a good time doing it all, it will be worth it...

Birthdays Galore!

Happy Birthday to me!

Last night I began my birthday week. My birthday is actually Friday (it was on Thanksgiving Day last year), but my friend Mark had his birthday last night and we hooked up at a gay bar up North. Turns out, at the bar, I find out that three other guys have their birthdays this week. Two other people at work have theirs this week too.

Well, I plan a fun-filled day of dragging my man Bob around doing things that I want to do. I'm pulling him along to see the Pompeii exhibit at the Field Museum. Somehow plaster casts of people suffocating in lava ash appeals to me. We also got very enthralled in HBO's Rome mini-series, so it'll be a nice tie-in. Then I'm going to make reservations to go to Japonaise, a nuveau Pacific Rim cuisine place that's a bit posh and slightly expensive. Then Bob will drop me off (he hates Karaoke) at where else? A gay Karaoke bar where I'll hook up with a couple of other friends.

A fun-filled day. I'm really looking forward to it.

Happy birthday to me!

Cash in and Walk Away

So I was in Vegas all last week for a convenience store convention. I don't gamble and I was pretty swamped with reporting and interviewing stuff. Well, the last day, I'm dicking around, waiting for the closing session to begin (Colin Powell--great speaker) and I sit at a dollar slot in the Vegas Hilton.

Why not? My mom does it all the time. Sits for hours. Her fingers get black. She rubs the machine for good luck. Prays.

Okay, so I put in $5. The slots whiz. Bar, nothing, nothing. I hit it again. Bar, shiny medallion-symbol, nothing. Ding, ding, ding! The credits start racking up. Sixty credits! Wow! That's $60! Great! Well, slap it again. Whizzz.

Triple bar, medallion, medallion. Dingy, dingy, dingy. The credits fly into the ceiling. $418!

What? Me? Four hundred bucks?!

Cash out. Run away.

Stripper bar.

My Filipinoness

This weekend I entertain my Filipino side. For the group I'm with, Asians and Friends, I'm picking up the author of "Potato Queen." He's flying in from San Francisco to do a reading for our group tomorrow night.

Tomorrow afternoon I rehearse with a group of Filipino kids on the far northwest side of the city. They're very cute. Two groups, one set in the 8th grade then a whole team of little girl munchkins. I'm choreographing their Christmas show. I don't know where the organizers are coming from casting two disperate set of kids in the same show, but "whatever," I'm being a role model and doing what I can. The kids are very cute. One little girl looks just like my auntie Aida if she somehow traveled through time and became a little girl again. I even used what little Tagalog I know, asking someone "Where is..." when I first got there and asked for the play's organizer.

If I get any more Filipino, I'll have to strap on the coconut bra and do the coconut slapping dance.

Back to the Basics

I've realized that the only two things that I really like to do these days is party and have sex. My only concern about that is that spending my energy in those ways leads to nothing productive. Not that everything I do should be productive, but those tragically fun situations often lead to counter-productivity. I'm left hung over and spent. I can't work on my on-line degree. I get fat. I begin to doubt my future.

I'm beginning to see myself as a little factory. Something that needs maintenance, but something that churns out wonderful things. I'm interested in turning my time and energy into more interesting things--I want to get good at the degree I'm working on. I want to be consistent and resourceful at work. I want to be a better husband.

It's hard to leave the party behind. I feel like I'm stuck on shore and the Showboat and its merry music is floating down the river. I'm sad. But I'm excited. It's quiet here on the shore. And I think I can actually hear myself.

Halloween's Over, Move On

Halloween was a bit of a chore, and although I costumed and partied, it felt labored this year. I think as I transition to whomever I am to be, my old lifestyle seems somehow less real than it used to be.

Oh well, who weeps for skin shed?