Back to the Basics

I've realized that the only two things that I really like to do these days is party and have sex. My only concern about that is that spending my energy in those ways leads to nothing productive. Not that everything I do should be productive, but those tragically fun situations often lead to counter-productivity. I'm left hung over and spent. I can't work on my on-line degree. I get fat. I begin to doubt my future.

I'm beginning to see myself as a little factory. Something that needs maintenance, but something that churns out wonderful things. I'm interested in turning my time and energy into more interesting things--I want to get good at the degree I'm working on. I want to be consistent and resourceful at work. I want to be a better husband.

It's hard to leave the party behind. I feel like I'm stuck on shore and the Showboat and its merry music is floating down the river. I'm sad. But I'm excited. It's quiet here on the shore. And I think I can actually hear myself.